BLADE TALKSHOW 1
by NIMONDRELL-NIM
Summary: blade charcters get forced onto a talkshow and DEACON FROST sings, ALSO TONY STARK APPEARS
1. Chapter 1

**BLADE TALKSHOW**

**Disclaimer: I do not own blade or any other characters unfortunately …. Hannibal King **

**Summery: Blade characters get forced onto a talkshow where they get all sorts of emotions and thoughts of their chests**

**Warning: for obvious reasons. Language from most of the characters**

**Chapter 1**

**The camera turns on and we see our host Nim … actually where the HELL is she**

**Nim runs onstage and sits down looking guilty**

**Nim: **sorry 'bout that some of the guests were acting up …. ANYWAY … Hi welcome to prison towers I am your host and today my victi…..guests are from the world of ….. BLADE

**Audience:** yayyyyy (**some nervous clapping**)

**Nim:** for all the filthy bloodsucking mother fuc…

**Vamps:** (**glares**)

**Nim:** ***cough*** sorry old habit… continuing on… for all the vamps in the audience I have made sure that ALL of the night stalkers, blade ….. Basically ANYONE who hunts them has no weapons just like the vamps they are unarmed…

Now to introduce our first guest ... (**looks at sheet**) THE ONE, THE ONLY …. BLADE

**Blade walks onstage**

**Human audience: **yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Vamp audience:** boooo, hiss

**Blade:** you mother fuckers Wanna' shut up

**Vamps:** ***silent as the grave*** (**HEHE**)

**Blade:** good

**Nim:** good to see ya again blade

**Blade:** you too, I got a present for ya

**Nim:** (**shocked**) really…. What

**Blade:** (**un-wraps sword and hands it to Nim**) like it

**Nim:** ***speechless*** how the fuck did I miss that

**Blade:** well you did get distracted by kin…

**Nim:** shut it ***blushes***

**Blade** **grins**

**Nim: **anyway ….. Soooo blade how does it feel to be back to hunting alone

**Blade:** it's easier, quieter, and safer

**Nim:** but don't you miss ANYONE ….. Like whistler, Abby, Zoë, Karen or perhaps King

**Blade:** yes, sometimes she is a good tactical planner, that little girl makes me smile sometimes, Karen... Well yeah, and king FUCK NO

**Nim:** ***grinning*** well you are just gonna LOVE who we have on next…. Let's see King or Karen

**Blade:** don't you FUCKING dare

**Nim:** time for a commercial I think …. After the break we will have either Hannibal King or Karen Johnson on ***grins evilly***

**Blade:** look you stuck up Damphier….

**Nim:** your one too

**Blade:** ….. SHIT

***goes to commercial***


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing …. Unfortunately Hannibal King**

**Warning: swearing alert…**

**Chapter 2**

***commercial***

**Nick Fury appears on screen**

"To all citizens around the world Tony Stark otherwise known as iron man is on the loose …. Again, he has been hanging people of various skyscrapers… Again, so if you see iron man around your neighbourhood lock your doors and windows and don't let him in…. thank you for your time**"**

**Warning: **stark has high powered lasers so to avoid injuries please duck

**END OF COMMERCIAL**

**The camera goes back to the studio and we see our host and blade arm wrestling**

**Blade: **come on ya know ya can't beat me

**Nim: **in your dreams daywalker

**Nim realizes this could last for hours**

**Nim: **how 'bout we save this till after the show

**Blade: **fine with me

**Nim: *turns back to the camera* **any way haw 'bout we bring on (considers for a moment) Karen Johnson

**Blade looks up hopefully**

**Karen walks onstage and sees blade.**

**Karen**: what the fuck are you doing here?

**Blade:** I came for an interview

**Karen glares at blade**

**Blade:** look Karen I only left you because I wanted to protect you.

**Karen:** sure

**Blade:** please Karen you gotta believe me

**Karen:** will you do something for me then

**Blade: **yes anything

**Karen:** kiss me

**Blade looks at Nim**

**Nim: *starts chanting* **kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss

**Blade: **ok

**Blade kisses Karen enthusiastically**

**Audience + Nim: **awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

**Nim: ok **that's enough you can continue this after the show…

**Blade and Karen still kissing**

**Nim: **didn't Wanna have to do this….. (**Pulls out tranquilizers and gun**) ***bang…bang***

**Blade and Karen fall unconscious**

**Nim: **security… strap them to their seats

**Security: **yes milady

**Nim: **while we wait for blade and Karen to wake up please enjoy this commercial


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing …. Unfortunately Hannibal King**

**Warning: swearing alert…**

**A/N: Thraina is just another side of my personality**

**Chapter 3**

***commercial***

**Tony Stark appears on screen**

"Hi I'm Tony Stark and as you know I am also iron man. I would like to say a formal apology to all the people, and their families, for putting them on the top of tall buildings and as a way to make up for all this I will through a party to show how deeply sorry I am" **warning: **only people who have been affected by my….. Appalling behaviour will be aloud and a government team know exactly who it is so don't try to sneak in

**END OF COMMERCIAL**

**The camera goes back to the studio and we see our host reading a newspaper. We also see Karen & Blade glaring at her**

**Nim: **look you two I did what I had to do, get over it

**Blade & Karen still glaring at her**

**Nim: **fine be that way (**looks at list**) how about we introduce Abraham whistler, Zoë Summerfield and Hannibal king

**Only Zoë walks on, and goes and sits on Nim's knee's**

**Nim: **Zoë, honey where are King and Whistler

**Zoë: **MR. Whistler told me to tell you that he just wanted to have a talk with king first…..

**Nim:** ohhh crap. Umm Zoë honey can you tell me where they went

**Zoë:** by the fire escape

**Nim:** ok

**Nim gets up grabs hand cuffs and a gun**

**Nim: (shouts) **Thraina

**A short-ish brunet with blue eyes runs onstage**

**Thraina: **yes Nim

**Nim:** you're hosting the show for a while. That's an order

**Nim stalks off**

**Thraina: **but…** (Sigh) **fine...

**Thraina sits in seat**

**Thraina: **ok how about we bring on … JARED NOMAK

**Jared Nomak walks onstage and see's thraina**

**Jared: **why the fuc (**sees Zoë on Thraina's lap**) hell are you here

**Thraina: **ummmm Thraina Stark, Nim Odindaughter's apprentice, have we met (**holds out hand**)

**Jared:** Jared Nomak (**shakes hand and sits down**) I was at the HOP with Nim's date … Chupa

**Thraina:** oh yeah I remember now

**Screams are heard**

**Blade: **who the ….

**Nim walks back onstage dragging whistler and king by their hair; she cuffs king to one seat while security cuffs whistler to the other**

**Nim: **hi Jared**. **

**Jared: **milady** (bows head)**

**Nim: **thanks Thraina

**Thraina: **no prob' bob

**Nim rolls eyes**

**Nim: **bye Thraina

**Thraina:** awwwwww…. Why

**Nim:** because otherwise your dad will hang me off the empire state building. Then when I get down I would fire you

**Thraina:** no, please Nim, I need this job

**Nim: **then go home… please

**Thraina: **ok…. Bye everyone

**Everyone except Jared: **bye

**Thraina:** Jared?

**Jared suddenly gets up and kisses thraina**

**Thraina: **what the fuck

**Jared is abruptly blasted to the back of the room**

**Nim: **what the fuck…. TONY

**Tony Stark walks across the stage**

**Tony: **who the FUCK was that, he is an ugly FUCKER, and young lady (turns to thraina) WHY THE FUCK was he kissing you

**Thraina:** ok dad, one; that was Jared Nomak, two, he is a perfect gentleman, and three, no i-FUCKING-dea…

**Tony:** Nim, can you explain any of this

**Nim:** well last time they met he was a wingman for my date… and they got talking….. OMFG'S

I think he is in LOVE with her

**Thraina looks shocked**

**Tony: **come on Thraina lets go. (**He grabs her hand and they fly out**)

**Nim:** well that was unexpected

**Jared: (groan's)** what the fuck just happened

**Blade:** well your ugly face just kissed Thraina then her dad shows up gets fucked off 'cuz you kissed her and blasts you ass to the other side of the room.

**Nim:** wow Jared…. Just…. Wow

**Jared:** damn, I was gonna ask her out

**Nim:** ummmm Jared, hate to break it too ya but you are a new version of vamp who kills everyone, and blade kills you, so that would be kinda short lived

**Jared:** curse my fucking father for this

**Nim:** ok…. (Mutters a spell) there you go. He will be just as ugly as you now

**Jared:** thanks Nimila. You sure know how to smooth-talk a guy

**Nim grabs gun and knocks him out**

**Everyone: **…

**Nim: **WHAT. He called me Nimila

**Everyone:** …

**Nim:** let's just go to a commercial

**Cuffs Jared to a chair**

**Nim:** I am soooo glad I have a draw full of these

**Zoë:** (to blade) I'm scared

**Blade:** don't worry Zoë; if she did this to you she would have to deal with Abby

**Screen goes to a commercial**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing …. Unfortunately Hannibal King**

**Warning: swearing alert…**

**A/N:**Andi = SPIRIT

Bál = FIRE

**Chapter 4**

***commercial***

**Clint Barton appears on screen**

"Hello my name is Clint Barton I am a master marksman. Do you want to learn how to shoot a bow, rifle of crossbow? Well then this course is for you. In this five week course you will learn just that. You could do this for fun, scouts/brownies, or for a new job. So try Clint Barton's marksmanship today." **Warning:** we are not responsible for any injuries you sustain**.**

**END OF COMMERCIAL**

**The camera goes back to the studio and we see our host and thraina drinking coffee and eating doughnuts**

**Thraina: **Nim, please can we release them now

**Nim: **ok then, but not Jared, we don't want another incident like what happened before

**Thraina:** ok

**Nim & thraina free Blade, Karen, Whistler and King**

**Thraina: **there ya go everyone

**Blade, Karen, Whistler & King:** thanks thraina

**Jared:** what 'bout me

**Thraina:** do you want my dad to kill you

**Jared:** well…. Maybe… no… not really

**Nim:** ok everyone help yourselves to food and drink, thraina go see if our next guest is ready

**Thraina:** yep boss

**Thraina goes backstage**

**Nim: **now (**turn's to King**) is there anything going on between you and Abby

**King:** nahh, I made it perfectly clear I was interested in someone else

**Nim:** really who

**King:** ummmmmmmm, (**blushes**) ummmmmmmm

**Nim:** weeeeeeelllllllllll

**King:** (**still blushing**) you really want to know.

**Nim:** no shit Sherlock

**King:** ah a girl after my own heart with her insults

**Nim:** (**blank look**) well

**King:** ain't it obvious

**Nim:** nope

**Blade, whistler, Karen, Jared &** **Zoë**: TELL HER ALL READY

**King: **all right, Nim, I love you

**Nim:** you have got to be SHITTING me….. (**Looks at his face and sees he is perfectly serious**) SHIT… King as much as I hate to reject you. I have a fiancé. An AESIR... Fandrall the dashing

**King:** damn it

**Suddenly a bright light flashes about the room. When the light clears we see Fandrall, who sees Nim and he rushes over to her, picks her up and spins her round**

**Nim: **Fandrall what are you doing here (**squeals**)

**Fandrall:** the all father gave us permission to get married on Midguard and on Asgard

**Nim: **that's great news Fandrall

**Fandrall: **I love you, my little andi*bál*

**Nim:** awwwwww, you're too sweet

**Fandrall:** that's why you love me

**Nim:** (**giggle**) your right

**Everyone (apart from blade & Karen):** urgh

**Fandrall:** come back to Asgard with me Nim, the all father wishes to meet you

**Nim: **ok….. thraina** (shouts)**

**Thraina: **yep boss lady, oh hey Fandrall

**Fandrall: **hello lady thraina

**Nim: **I'm going to Asgard with Fandrall, you are in charge

**Thraina: **that's ok with me

**Nim & Fandrall: **bye

**Thraina:** well seeing as I am in charge and king just got rejected. I'm gonna call up DEACON FROST as my next guest

**Deacon Frost walks onstage and blade jumps out of his seat**

**Blade: **how the fuck are you here I killed your mother fuckin' lily arse years ago

**Deacon:** dear Nim, brought me back

**Blade:** (**to Karen**) baby, remind me to kill her when she gets back.

**Karen:** ok

**Thraina:** **(shouts)** NO that's it stop it. There will be no killing on this show. At least not yet. Now will you two shut your mother fuckin' arses up because Nim isn't the only one with magic.

**Blade & deacon get scared and they sit back down**

**Thraina: **good. Now, how about we get on with the questions. Ok

**Stage hand whispers to thraina**

**Thraina: **urghhhhhhhhhh… are you sure

**Stage hand nods**

**Thraina: **ok, apparently we don't have enough time left so its time to go to a commercial

When we come back deacon is gonna' sing a love song to me while juggling flaming batons If he fails blade will get to beat him up

**Deacon:** I fuckin' will not

**Thraina:** (**shouts**) security

**Security straps deacon to a chair and knocks him out**

**Screen goes to a commercial**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing …. Unfortunately Hannibal King and I do not own halo by beyonce**

**Warning: swearing alert…**

**A/N: I know, I know I haven't been updating but I had a religious study's exam to revise for so enough crying. I have desperately run out of questions so please post your questions in the reviews.**

**Chapter 5**

***commercial***

**Nick Fury appears on screen**

"Hello as you know the world was invaded by aliens and the avengers saved all our asses. I would like to formally thank them Iron man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black widow. I salute you**"**

**Nick fury salutes and the screen fades to black**

**END OF COMMERCIAL**

**The camera goes back to the studio and we see thraina talking to whistler with Zoë on whistlers knees**

**Thraina: **so MR. Whistler what is it like seeing deacon again

**Whistler:** please thraina its just whistler, and I will show you what its like

**Zoë jumps of his knees and Whistler gets up and kicks deacon in the nuts who had just woken up**

**Deacon: **holy motherfuckin shit, why the fuck did you do that you do that you fuckin grandpa

**Whistler: **I did that you little shit kicker because you tried turning me into another one of you bloodsucking basterds

**Zoë:** (**covers ears**) bad words, bad words. (**Starts crying**)

**Whistler: **awwwwww I'm sorry Zoë, come here (**opens arms**) give granddad a hug. I won't say the bad words again

**Zoë runs into whistlers arms and quickly falls asleep**

**Thraina: **whistler, you can put her in the bed in the next room. She will be safe there

**Whistler walks off stage carrying Zoë in his arms**

**Thraina: **ok like deacon promised last time he is going to sing me a love song while juggling flaming batons otherwise blade gets to beat him up

**Deacon: **ok, the song is halo by beyonce

**Starts singing while juggling**

Remember those walls I built  
Well, baby they're tumbling down  
And they didn't even put up a fight  
They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in  
But I never really had a doubt  
Standing in the light of your halo  
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
It's the risk that I'm takin'  
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun  
Burning through my darkest night  
You're the only one that I want  
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again  
But this don't even feel like falling  
Gravity can't forget  
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
The risk that I'm takin'  
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your … holy fuck

**Deacon drops batons and gets hit on the head with one**

**Thraina: **too bad deacon….. Not really, hey blade you get to have your fun now

**Blade:** finally (**starts grinning manically and runs towards deacon**)

**Deacon:** oh shit…. 

**Deacon runs of stage and blade follows**

**Thraina: **finally, ok so now we are gonna go to a break and when we are back there is gonna be a little twist here

**Screen goes to a commercial**

**AUTHOR NOTE: so guy's and girls what do you think, if you have ANY questions or just things you want to say post them on reviews or private message me**


	6. CANCLED NOTE

POSPONED NOTE

UNTILL THE 21/7/2012 I WON'T UPDATE DUE TO THE FACT OF YR 11 GOING TO BE HELL, YES MY SCHOOL STARTS YR 11 WORK EARLY. DON'T ASK ME WHY THEY JUST DO


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